By Mark McNease

I confess: anxiety has been getting the best of me lately. While I prefer feeling busy, associating it with fulfilmment, I also have a bad habit of taking on too much. Part masochishm, part outrunning the passage of time, as if I have to get everything done today or I’ve failed in some way to meet my goals. And while I’m very good at taking naps on a daily basis, I’m not good at preventing the stress and anxiety in the first place. So let’s take a look at some causes and ways to address that knotted-up feeling pleading for our attention.

We’re very good at tracking the physical, espeically with watches, phones, alerts, step counters, calorie counters, and more alerts to remind us we must try harder. We know our blood pressure numbers. We discuss cholesterol. We schedule scans. We swallow vitamins medications, if we wakt them, with the consistency of a drill sargeant. But emotional health? That often gets the “I’m fine” treatment, as if fine were a medical diagnosis.

The truth is, emotional well-being matters just as much as physical health, and in many cases it quietly determines how well the rest of the body functions. You can’t separate the two. The body keeps score, even when the mind insists everything is under control.

Stress, especially the long-term kind, doesn’t simply pass through us. It settles in. It affects sleep (something I know too well). It tightens muscles. It disrupts digestion. It elevates blood pressure. Chronic stress raises cortisol levels, and over time that constant state of alert can wear down the immune system and strain the heart. We may call it “just life,” but the nervous system calls it an onslaught.

Redefining health beyond weight, youth, and perfection

For most of our lives, “healthy” has been was defined for us by doctors, magazines, TV ads, and sometimes well-meaning relatives. It usually came packaged as a comment on our weight (up or down), the desire for a wrinkle-free face and body, or a public-facing appearance that looked young enough to pass inspection. As we age, that definition starts to crack.

Health at this stage of life is more about how we function, how we feel, and how we adapt. It’s being able to move through our day without pain, or a minimal amount of it. It’s having the energy to do the things that matter to us, whether that’s traveling, gardening, dancing, working, or simply enjoying time with people we want to be around.

It’s also about mental and emotional health, which doesn’t get nearly enough attention. Managing stress, sleeping decently, feeling connected, and having something that gives us a sense of purpose all matter just as much as blood pressure numbers.

Another big shift? Letting go of the idea that health is “all or nothing.” We can be managing a chronic condition and still be healthy. We can take medication daily (I do) and still be thriving. We can need naps – in my case nearly every afternoon – mobility aids, or extra recovery time and still be living well. Aging bodies change. That’s not failure, it’s biology.

By Mark McNease

Week 2 — What Healthy Really Means as We Age

Retiring old attitudes and assumptions

“Healthy” has had a changing set of assumptions to it for a long time, but some of them persist regardless of what we learn about our bodies and minds: to be healthy is to be thin (that one’s never changed – see all the ads for GLP-1 drugs now), agile, sharp. Eating less of one thing, more of another. And for those of us over 60, we’ve had to endure the whole ‘aging gracefully’ requirement, as if getting older in whatever state we find ourselves is somehow distatesful. For me, there are a lot of things I want to be at this age. Kind, compassionate, energetic, creative, involved, but graceful is not on the list.

Health Is Not a Look

Health is not a number on a scale. It’s not how young you appear. And it’s definitely not perfection dressed up as “wellness.”

A lot of LGBTQ+ folks grew up learning how to monitor ourselves, our bodies, our behavior, our visibility, just to stay safe. Many of us still do, feeling out situations to determine how much of ourselves to reveal. Do we say “husband” and “wife,” or do we say “partner,” depending on any potential hostility we perceive? It’s not surprising that many of us internalized some harsh rules about what we were supposed to be, how we’re expected to present, and what version of healthy we fit.